My Dearest Pets!We here at the Brave New Church offices recognize your week is thoroughly consumed with Justice and Love related activities as you faithfully spread the good news of radical tolerance to all! Upon realizing the difficulties of the upcoming text from Luke, we have created a sermon outline for you. If you are the leader of your congregation, please use the following support. If not, please share with the leader of your church as soon as possible!The following is designed that you can modify the sermon according to the preferences of your worshiping community and scripture reading:
Grace,
Peace, and Holy Love to you from _______________
(adjective), _______________ (adjective) _______________ (Adjective similar to
personal pronoun), Amen!
_____________________________ (personal
story about personal difficulties)
_____________________________ (secondary example
from Chicken Soup for the Soul series)
Turn _________________ (preposition) me
now to the words of another discouraged leader, Jesus. _________________ (your
preferential description of who Jesus might be). The passage from today’s lectionary
is ___________ (adj) and ____________ (adj) and frankly, I’m not altogether
sure of what I should tell you. In case you think _____________ (what you call
the worship leader at your church) always know what they’re talking about, this
is a good opportunity to explain how _________________
(describe your own inadequacies in detail). So, for today’s text, we’re all in
this together! We shall _______________
(verb) this sermon together!)
All right, so, the passage opens with
Jesus talking not the masses now but to his disciples – you know, _________________
(hip description of disciples). Only after this _________________ (alt. word
for “story”), they might have had some second thoughts. Luke 16: 1-13, Jesus has this story to tell his disciples:
Read: Luke 16: 1-13 from your preferred scripture source
Okay, so a rich man calls up the
unreliable steward of his estate, and, now that the steward is busted, he
starts scheming about how to deal with the situation. He considers his options.
________________
(Negative Option #1)
_________________ (Negative Option #2)
_________________ (Negative Option #3)
This is no different than the options
available in _________________ (Name of 3rd world country with
Evil Dictator). The options of _________________ (Evil Dictator’s Steward) could be:
_________________ (Negative option of
poor people in Third World Country #1)
_________________ (Negative option of
poor people in Third World Country #2)
_________________ (Negative option of
poor people in Third World Country #3)
_________________ (Commentary about
struggles of Justice)
_________________ (Story meant to convict congregation about
injustice loosely related to the scripture)
_________________ (Good news about how we can resolve
injustice from evil Dictators and their slightly less evil Stewards using example from life of Jesus)
_________________ (Example of Justice performed by
Congregation) _________________ (Example of Justice government should perform)_________________ (Example of international Justice)So,
go. Be like
_________________ (person from scripture) and ___________ (verb Mixed Martial Artists may
perform) a _____________________ (terrifying animal, plural) for
You, ______________ (preferred name for the Divine)!If you sell
_________________ (item commonly sold
on eBay), you will be ____________________ (Justice related noun) and you will
cause __________________ (preferred name for the Divine) to feel
_____________________ (adjective).
We
here at ____________________ (name of congregation/church) commend
________________ (Justice/Love related good works) to your doing. Certainly your hard work will ______________
(verb) God’s favor as we strive for radical tolerance, unity, and free Love for
all!
In the name of the ___________ (Proper Adjective), who exists to ___________________ (verb) you and shall reign for _________________(quantity of time) over ______________________ (cute animal species), _______________(insect group) and ________________________ (your preferred description of humanity).
Elizabeth of Hungary writes, “As a seminarian who looks to my leaders for examples of a godly life, I was very dismayed to find you blogging on Labor Day. I have been taught in seminary that Jesus loves the poor and oppressed, and in America, these are obviously the blue-collar union workers, whose sacrifices Labor Day commemorates. I had my hopes set high that the ELCA would take this opportunity to stand in solidarity with our sisters and brothers and religiously observe Labor Day. I know that Matthew 12 teaches that Jesus is Lord of the Sabbath, but I have a hard time believing that he would support us failing to stand with the marginalized in this country - nay, the world - by working on Labor Day. Are you aware of the impact you are having on impressionable seminarians who now feel free to blog on federal holidays?
My dearest Ms. Hungary,
In celebration of the theme of your letter, I postponed writing to you until after I had taken adequate rest! During the days following your utterly delightful tome, Ken whisked me away to an all-expense vacation to the Dominican Republic! Naturally we had the opportunity for a few photo opportunities in neighboring Haiti, but how difficult is it really to pose for a snapshot? Our days were filled with sun-kissed swimming and our evenings with all-you-can eat buffets and dancing! Thankfully, we staffed the home office with adequate Desk Facilitator Specialists to manage the phone and News Release desks.
During my holiday jaunt in your honor, I had time to consider your central message – such a bold preacher of justice at such a tender age! You shall serve our Brave New Church with finesse, my lovely!
Now for matters of Holy Rest and Justice:
Our Lord gives us words of Law and Gospel in Divine Scripture and it is up to us to decide which words we serve us best at any given time! As your Brave New Bishop I must tell you that your time of rest is rather at the behest of your superiors – those of us with special dispensation by virtue of our ordination.
I urge you to continue working tirelessly for the Brave New Church for from you labor shall flow boundless unity, radical tolerance, and free Love! The Wellness Wheel promoted by our offices offer wonderful ideas for Healthy Leaders, but really the central message is holy sacrifice for the sake of Unity and Love.
The central work of the Brave New Church is to work tirelessly for victims of injustice. Our Fair Trade workers, unionistas (like fashionista’s, only filled with Unity!), federal czars, and countless others must work even through federal holidays because without their daily work, could they possibly find a sense of fulfillment and joy? Furthermore, their labors bring in fair wages and they would not want to lose their jobs, would they?
This is indeed the reason why many at our churchly publishing house to continue to toil daily and nightly without any hope for pension: it is a holy work! You see, Elizabeth, when it comes to matters of Justice and free Love, all work is necessary and holy – no Labor Day, no pension, no rest required!
I hope that by virtue of my blog on Labor Day you might realize the power of your position to work for unity, justice, and Love for all – especially on your day off. After all, Jesus didn’t come to give you a day off, did Jesus?
Butterfly Kisses from Heaven,
Bishop Barbie
Don writes, “Bishop Barbie; 2 questions: What kinds of insightful suggestions to you have for bringing young adults into the ELCA and do you have any plans to meet with Lady Ga Ga anytime soon”
My Dearest Darling Mr. Wright!
What an insightful question for such a Brave New problem so many church bodies face in these dangerous times!
I have long prayed over and considered your question and would like to offer a brief answer (really, a complete answer would include full on ministry application
First, young adults today crave modern language and they will not be attracted to our events and lifestyle choices unless we sound like them!
For example, an OLD PASTOR (read: unenlightened and past expiration date) would say:
Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ…”
A welcoming and attractive NEW PASTOR would say:
You are welcomed by this community and by the Divine, who embraces you not because of the longings of your heart or because you box yourself into some articulation of faith, but because the Divine Loves you and we Love you and accept you as you are! Welcome, because this is a faith that believes in you!”
Notice the difference, Mr. Wright? To be part of the Brave New Church is to always to be in relation to others and not set apart from others. The greatest sin both in scripture and in modern society is to be different. You must be unique, just like everyone else! The key to attracting people of all ages is BELONGING – nothing more, nothing less.
Second,programs are the way to bring in the young people of today.
Invitations to worship is boring. Sunday school? Get a life! What you need is something revamped, renewed, and re-levant. Ditch all the God-talk and embrace community! It doesn’t matter what you do or how you do it, so long as you’re together!
The resolution to this is: programs, programs, and more programs!
Start with a modern young person who can lead with charism and individuality! Your leader must show that the Divine welcomes all people regardless of appearance, identity, life decisions, moral dis/interest, and personal choices. Recently I ran across a fantastic new program produced by a branch of our Brave New Church. I deeply believe this will satisfy the deep spiritual longings of our people!
This new educational resource is perfect for young adults of all ages and experiences and will address the fine art of living as people of Justice, Light, and Free Love. Section 1 covers:
·Feelings
·Self-Concept and Self-Esteem
·Friendship
·Team Building
·Problem-Solving
·Healthy and Loving Choices
·Speaking up for Justice
Again, in an effort toward relevance, the weekly group activity will put the spotlight on:
·Focus and Empowerment
·Organization and Study Tips
·Positive Attitude
·Community Involvement
·Serving the Divine within and in the community
For those who seem advanced in their spirituality and learning, you may want to create small groups! One idea tossed around by my specialty team is to create a Round Table, with the Leader as King Arthur!
·The group will join in at the Round Table with King Arthur and his knights as they learn about chivalry, bravery, and courage.
·They will pow-wow with Native Americans while creating a 6-foot-high group totem pole that showcases that animal nature of each member.
·Group members will turn into fantastical superheroes who work together to save the day.
·Learn alongside Samurai masters as they learn the art of peace.
·They will "journey" to England to study the Magician's Code that binds the Brother and Sisterhood of Magicians.
OLD PASTORS and the OLD CHURCH would invite people to church services or maybe a youth choir.
NEW CHURCH LEADERS and the BRAVE NEW CHURCH coordinate missional efforts toward involvement in practices of inclusivity alongside rich tapestries of Justice and Love!
Our Brave New Church is working tirelessly to adapt the Boy/Girl Scout model to our needs. Structured leadership, belief in values that best fit the general movements of the culture, and freedom to expand the walls of Justice and free Love will bring the masses to our door! We are also considering merit badges for exceptional character traits.
We must lead our youth toward recognizing communal wholeness! This is the deepest longing of their hearts and our Brave New Church is working around the clock to provide you with all the materials to make that possible!
It’s like God-Caffeine for your tired old religion!
Eileen writes, "Bishop Barbie - I am preparing the 2011 budget for worship supplies. Is the new logo a download for bulletins and all other supplies or is it purchased. I couldn't find anything with the logo on the A-F site. Thank you!"
Dearest Eileen,
What a treasure you are! I am so thankful for team players such as yourself who are also willing to provide tithes and offerings for the sake of our Brave New Church!
The new logo is not yet available for purchase because of public concern that it may reflect other popular commercial logos. Instead we are nearly ready to post a Logo Contest for our Brave New Church! Surely many minds are better than one – and short of the College of Bishops, there is certainly no ‘I’ in “Team!”
Butterfly Kisses from Heaven,
Bishop Barbie
Lisa writes, “Does the BNC have a social statement on the use of hallucinogen drugs? I must confess that I have difficulty with openly and freely loving all sheep in my local fold equally. Seems like illicit drug use helped the "Make Love - Not War" movement of the 60's. Maybe during the "Healing Service" a passing of the pipe could be added.”
My Darling Lisa,
I regret to say we do not yet have a Social Statement regarding the use of hallucinogenic drugs! However, I believe it is better to refer to this as a “Hallucinogenic Opportunity.”
We here at the BNC HQ are aware the this is a serious issue of justice. For example, you can read about how Spiritual Leaders recognize the important cash cow families require, hence we are required to support smokable ganja.
Hallucinogenic properties and other opportunities promote spirituality, my dear Lisa! For instance, I have a family member who sought clarity on personal matters and enjoyed a weeklong Native America Vision Quest in the American deserts! While traversing the desert, this family member brought neither food nor water, but instead lived off of spiritual desire. To quell the perturbance of physical nutrition pangs, peyote and other herbs were consumed and smoked as fire was available. Once this period of quest and spiritual journey came to completion, a long term committed relationship and child was produced!
It is a Justice and Spiritual concern you address, really. Our committees are well paid and working around the clock to consider Hallucinogenic Opportunities as both sacrament and healing.
We here at the Brave New Church notice there are many cultures throughout all of history using the wonders of hallucinogenic and other opportunities aides. We support this in order to enjoy the creation of the Divine and to learn all the Divine would have us realize!
Butterfly Kisses from Heaven,
Bishop Barbie
Tom writes, "Dear Bishop! Greetings in the Name of Free Love! Question: There's a UCC pastor in our area who wants us all to get together to discuss our "Christologies." How can this event best free people from fear and let them know that their Jesus is just as good as anyone else's Jesus, because, you know, the One Jesus and His/Her/Its love is so many different things to so many different people."
Dearest Tom,
What a fascinating topic for discussion!
The joy of this topic is located precisely in the term “Christology.” That is, “Christ” comes from the Greek, Χριστός (Khristós) (which is co-opted from the Hebrew, מָשִׁיחַ) meaning only “anointed one.” Where I believe you are becoming terribly confused and befuddled is to think Jesus is the only Christ! I am so pleased this pastor from the United Church of Christ is gathering so many representative of denominations and faith communities to share their individual understandings of “Christ!” Remember, the Bible says somewhere about becoming “little Christ’s,” and it sounds to me like you are about to be presented with so many wonderful options about what that means! Jesus was a wonderful example of what it means to be a “Christ,” because Jesus was so full of Love and Justice at every turn. But chances are, Jesus may not be the only one able to show you the Way! Listen carefully to the moderators and suggestions offered during this discussion. Please share your findings! The love of the Divine is indeed one of the Anointing – a practice which we can enjoy in oil anointing, remembrance of baptism, and other liturgical gymnastics.
In an unprecedented effort at supporting you, your Brave New Church chooses to stick with broad terms and focus our efforts entirely upon adjectives!
For example: Creator, Redeemer, and Sanctifier.
By referring to the Divine using only adjective we make space for all people’s conceptions of the Divine! We do not wish for any of our church members to be held back by notions of gender exclusivity or the bonds of race, creed, ethnicity, or religion! After all, the BNC’s primary mission and ministry is one of inclusivity!
We recognize language such as: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is offensive to many and places the Divine in a box. The Divine is so much larger than gender, history, and specificity! I urge you to avoid such language, especially in the context of this UCC hosted discussion. Naturally, offering gender and specific terminology when discussion anointing and other benefits of religion will grow our BNC – and rating are everything, my Love!
My concern is over matters no different than the term, “Allah!” In this delightfully multicultural word, we find the ability to overlay any understanding of the Divine we choose! We Christians are no different than Muslims, let alone Hindus, Buddhists, Mormons or even Agnostics! We are all on the journey of searching for the Divine within and without!
Join us in our Brave New Church on the Brave New Search for Divinity! I, for my part, cannot wait until we hear more from you about your delightful and illuminating conversation with our UCC brothers and sisters in Christ!
In the spirit of Love, Justice, and the free market, we here at the Brave New Church have a new logo!
How else would you know what the BNC stands for, save for a beautiful new logo which speaks volumes about our mission for the Divine? Thus, without further ado, we here at the Brave New Offices are pleased to unveil:
For those who are Brave New Leaders, we have issued a News Release asking that all of your bulletins, educational materials, and evangelical activity be clearly marked by this holy logo. We’re all in this together to share the New Vision of Radical Tolerance and Free Love! It’s what the Divine calls for in Holy Scripture and we here at the Home Office shall spearhead this project immediately for the sake of Love and free market shares!
*Unless otherwise indicated, this logo is owned by the Brave New Church. All rights reserved.. No part of these pages, either text or image may be used for any purpose other than to promote radical inclusion, tolerance, and Free Love among all nations. Reproduction, modification, storage in a retrieval system or retransmission, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical or otherwise, for reasons other than personal use, is strictly prohibited without prior permission from the Brave New Church office and Bishop Barbie.
*Stop using logo and get emergency medical help if you have sudden vision loss. Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat and feelings of justice and oppression. Seek assistance if you begin having personal opinions and ideas unrelated to tolerance, inclusivity, and Free Love. During Love related activities, if you become dizzy or nauseated, or have pain, numbness, or tingling in your chest, arms, neck, or jaw, stop and call Bishop Barbie right away. You could be having serious side effects from the Brave New Church.
The time has come in our current debates regarding Islam and the Qur’an burning to unleash our most fearsome weapon here at Higgins: the Official Press Release.
We here at the Home Office recognize that radical Love is the order of the day, but when it comes to the dangerous militants at the 50 strong church in Florida threatening disunity with our Muslim brothers and sisters in Christ, we shall wage war using the fiercest of social statements! It is far too dangerous to ignore such silly Islamophobia because between the loud voice of Pastor Terry and friends and the media frenzy surrounding him, others may think we have no need of our fair share of public attention!
While some church bodies may encourage their clergy to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ in Word and Sacrament, incurring Christ-like thoughts, words and deeds which combat hate in this world, it is simply not enough. We must instead ensure the entire world knows our opposition to bigotry, racism, hatred, fear, and the most loathsome of faults, disunity with our Muslim brothers and sisters in Christ not through the Gospel, but by means of a social statement.
It is time to pick up where our brother Martin Luther left off and then some. Luther faced the great Muslim invasions of Europe and he soon had the Mohammidians leaving copies the Qur’an at his doorstep and in hotel rooms. And so, in an astounding act of unity, Luther called for the publication of the Qur’an and Christians to read it! The Reverend Paul McCain noted in his recent article that “Luther knew that side by side, the Bible would overwhelm the Qur’an with its truth and with its message of salvation.” (http://cyberbrethren.com/2010/09/08/burn-the-quran-no-absolutely-not/)
Silly Reverend McCain! The right evangelical answer is to publish the Qur’an from our clearing houses and insert a copy of the social statement as a complimentary bookmark! Certainly the Bible, let alone preaching, teaching, and the Sacraments, won’t help anyone know how to respond to the Qur’an and the Muslim community!
We have come to know in our Brave New Church that the only thing that shall fight the evils of disunity, lovelessness and injustice in our present age is a series of fearless Social Statements. Nothing, not even the preaching and teaching of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, can do that great work of unity and understanding as the power of the Social Statement.
It is never enough to quell the voices of sin, death, and the power of the devil with preaching and neighborliness! Do not attempt to eat at a table with your Muslim neighbors! Do not invite such people into your churches or attempt faithful and ecumenical conversation! And, at all costs, never tell them about the love of Jesus Christ! To participate in any of the above activities would be offensive to the Muslim people and we do not want to cause this burdened community any heartache by hearing about the Jesus Christ behind our love, vocations, and neighborly care. We are to be a ministry of presence, namely in the presence of our most recent news release!
We must throw our hope on the sharp barbs of our Social Statements! Trust us here at the Brave New Church. We’re professionals.
--
*A short note that in the event the sharp edges are not clear enough:Bishop Barbie condemns the scheduled Qur’an burning. Our Muslim neighbors are in need of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, not fear and hatred on the part of professed Christians. For more reading about Christians and fear, see St. Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 11:23-12:10, Philippians 4, and Hebrews 13 (to name only three). It seems to Bishop Barbie there is more than enough to worry about in our Brave New Church – participating in acts of hatred really eat up precious time.
Peter writes, “What are ‘Butterfly kisses from Heaven’? Is this how Jesus was kissed in Matthew 26:49? Or Paul's holy kiss from Romans 16:16? Do you have to be a bishop to send them, or could I, too, send butterfly kisses from Heaven?”
Oh my dearest Peter! Are you so deprived of Radical Love or repressed that you have never experienced the joy of Butterfly Kisses from Heaven®! We must amend this travesty!
I am deeply impressed that you appear to have read your scripture – in particular the parts where gifts of Radical Love are offered in physical manifestation. A kiss is a tremendously important piece of religious faith and life. In fact, I went to seminary school with at least two others who saw it as their goal and mission to offer physical signs of love with all they came into contact – hugs, kisses, a caress here and there. How terrible it is that we have created so many walls, making true signs of love horribly difficult to impose on our neighbor!
Naturally, a Butterfly Kiss from Heaven is not a kiss of betrayal as you mockingly (I hope) propose from Mt. 26:49. Judas was simply imposing his own worldview on Jesus, as the metaphor of the kiss would suggest in this passage. However, Romans 16:16 is closer to what we in our Brave New Church understand as a Butterfly Kiss from Heaven. Indeed, Paul desires the saints greet one another with the Kiss of Radical Love and Inclusion. Paul’s Kiss suggested that each of the aforementioned saints were clearly PART of the community and not to exist OUTSIDE. Ampliatus, Urbanus, Stachys, Apelles, the household of Aristobulus, Herodion, the household of Narcissus, Tryphena, Tryphosa, Persis, Rufus, Asyncritus, Phlegon, Hermes, Patrobas, Hermas and the brothers with them, Philologus, Julia, Nereus and his sister, and Olympas: All of these people bear such unfortunate and complicated names, perhaps implying unfortunate and complicated lives. Perhaps each of these people struggled in society with identity, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, or political affiliations. Paul was doing his very best to ensure they felt loved and cared for with a physical token of affection.
A Butterfly Kiss is a token of inclusion and Love given from Heaven (where else?) through the proper authoritative succession of Bishops, which I choose to lovingly bestow upon pastors and laypeople alike. Consider it my spiritual gift from me to you. You, yourself may offer Butterfly Kisses from Heaven®, so long as you properly footnote me and the Divine as its official Source and Sponsor.
Butterfly Kisses from Heaven®,
Bishop Barbie
Someone writes, “Bishop is it important to use appropriate liturgical color for finger and toe nails?”
Yes. Tis’ but the work of a moment and yet, liturgically polished nails yield a lifetime of spiritual gain.
Russ writes, “After days and days and simply days of dithering indecision I have at last responded positively to you ‘friend request’ here at Facebook. The more I contemplated your missive, the more pitifully imploring it seemed and that is why I ultimately relented. I should hate to think my refusal for friends...hip is ever the cause of someone else's discomfort. I know that is entirely out of character for a theological conservative such as myself, much preferring the static designations of class oppression and social gender assignments (both vastly underrated by liberals) but I confess you do seem to have caught me in a moment of unaccountable weakness. Soon I shall revert to type and the world will regain it's proper sense of order. You, however, will remain pink, I think.”
(Similarly) Erma writes, "Your Esteemed Bishopess, I must confess that I have resisted being be-friended and reconciled with you. I have been among the dissenters, not just lately, but lo, for many years now. The Brave New Church has been patient with me, but I have been a stubborn German Lutheran type (must be the old Mother Mo' still in me), plotting and scheming for a return of the Retro Old Church. But I have recently had my heart strangely warmed. Reading your postings has, well, welcomed me. And like you, I am vertically challenged. Is there room for me, O highest of blond clericalness?"
Dearest Russ and Erma,
Oh, to dither about is a terrible state of affairs! I am so pleased you finally chose the best path: the path of Love and esteemed Friendship! Thankfully our friendship is based on my imploring of your heart and not on so many “other matters” you choose to categorize so pitiably, such as "conservative" and the like. Truly, can we just all not be people to one another in Love and Friendship? It is to those things I will hold you firmly to account! In fact, we here at the Higgins Road Offices have weekly Accountability Small Groups dedicated specifically to acts of Love! Weekly, we gather together in our trusted small groups and banter about with rich woven tapestries of descriptions about our Acts of Love committed against others! Where we have not Loved enough, proper reeducation is imperative and there is a beneficent group of elderly German women who assist on a volunteer basis. It appears as though Erma was gripped in Holy Love by one of these volunteers and she quickly realized it would be Love or our volunteer that would soon conquer all and so she joined us here in the Brave New Church on our mission to Love the world!
As for my Pinkness, it is a new title I shall consider adding to my list of credentials. Are you aware of any sort of Pinkness Qualifying Program I may seek? Naturally, it must be the sort of program that puts forth my commitment to Free Love, Radical Inclusion, and Tolerance - but then again, that is what being Pink is all about, is it not? We here at the Main Office have put together a research committee who currently study around the clock in order to present a Pink Social Statement at our next Church Wide Assembly. There is a faction of us who deeply believe Pink should be the proper liturgical color of the ELCA. Once this has been decided by the proper scriptural authorities and delegates, we shall move on to name an ELCA-Wide Tree, Bird, and Insect.
I am so thankful to the Divine Goodness in Heaven for your new friendships! Erma, I do believe that over time you will come to bask in the glow of Holy Friendship and Truth, abandoning your scheming ways. We who are vertically challenged must stick together, unwavering in our dedication to show the world how we all can be of great value in the world, regardless of height! I am willing to take upon this cross for your sake. It is good and right to see how my Holy Persistence wears down the resistance of even the hardest of hearts. Love and Friendship win again!
Butterfly Kisses from Heaven, Bishop Barbie
Steve writes, “'ELCA' and denominationalism are both so passe. What we need is some new branding. I suggest THIS CHURCH. (Saw it in some social statements, resolutions, and from your own mouth as PB.) THIS CHURCH. Or is that too exclusive, implying no other churches? Please advise, Your Accessoriness”
Oh my Dearest Steven!
Passé? I am both at once disturbed and perturbed in the first place that you neglected the French accent mark for the term! My goodness, what are we? Internationally uneducated cretins?
But as for the central point of your question, which I deign to answer with clarity, truth, and Love:
Certainly not! While denominationalism may fade away, the ELCA shall remain – and of course may never be deemed passé! We are the source and pinnacle of Love in this world! We are committed to weaving a rich tapestry of Love and Friendship among the masses!
Where there is political strife, we shall use Letterhead!
Where there is Israel, we shall send Bishops!
Where there is Hunger, we shall have Banquets!
Where there is marriage, we shall have equity!
Where there is scripture, we shall have concord!
My, my, to think that our holy Denomination shall pass away is to imagine the American dollar would fall into disuse!
We here at the Home Offices are working tirelessly to rebrand and reengage in today’s culture! Bishop Hanson ensures that every public meeting includes a rainbow array of humanity, and that within that rainbow every gender type, prototype, orientation, creed, and religion are equally represented! Our culture today wants equality over truth, and our brand must relay that message at all costs!
As I mentioned previously, I believe Pink may be the proper color for us, but we still seek an ELCA flag, bird, tree, insect, and flower. Have we missed any major or minor categories?
In essence, the ELCA is committed to functioning as state within a state. A light until the states, even. We shall be political! We shall be independent! We shall go to battle until only Love remains!
Butterfly Kisses from Heaven,
Bishop Barbie
Mike writes, “Oh great Bishop Barbie, May we all bask in your pinkness and the reflected glory of your mighty pectoral cross. I, a poor wretched sinner, humbly beseech you to answer my two questions:
First, we have many who desire not to continue in the ELCA’s conversation and are joining LCMC or attending the dreadful gathering that shall not be named. How can we teach them the errors of their ways? Looking to the days of Elijah and Elisha I was wondering if we should we pray for fire to come down from heaven or bears to smite them.
Secondly, because your spiritual gifts lie in theology, church governance and fashion, what color was Joseph’s coat?
Dearest Mike,
You are so precious in my sight! It seems you noticed my new bejeweled pectoral wear, bestowed upon me by foreign dignitaries! Indeed, it is encrusted with Love! We are anxiously awaiting a Synod Assembly, Church Wide Assembly, or other public event to display these diplomatic gifts!
My new cross was especially created to match Joseph’s Coat which is carefully being held in a temperature controlled environment in our basement libraries. Perhaps you will see the color and fine fashion design at our next Assembly – particularly during our Eucharistic fashion show?
But onto your most important of questions, which we here at the Home Office find very important and seek to hear all of your questions in truth and Love!
You asked regarding the dreadful actions of “alternative” “denominational” “options.” After 40+ hours of meditation (which I do hope you participated in), Bishop Hanson and I finally came to holy clarity of mind. We decided to ignore such antics. To pray for fire or bears as the ancient prophets did would be to play right into the hand of poor ecumenical form. Just as Elisha and Elijah are lifted up as examples of how NOT to engage with your darling neighbors who differ from you in thought, word, and deed, we here at Higgins have exegeted their stories into action: We shall Love them back home!
By ignoring their behavior and clear misunderstandings of the message of Divine Love we have come to embrace, we shall bring them back to the fold. These heathens seem to think that absolute truth is a thing to be grasped, but like Christ we here at the ELCA do not grasp at Absolute Truth (read Philippians 2:5-7!). It is an unholy sin to reach toward the Divine notions of right and wrong or other moralities. So until the eschaton we trust all things are right and good! The Divine will be so pleased we did not differentiate so as to grasp at Divine absolute truth and fall terribly into sin!
Simply ignore their troublesome behavior, Mike. One day, Love shall win over all and we shall be enveloped by true Love in the Divine! Stay tuned for an upcoming post to support our Bishop Hanson’s letter during the week of “alternative denominational activities.”
Thank you for blessing me with your delightful and honest question!
Butterfly Kisses from Heaven,
Bishop Barbie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, my darlings, I do realize there are a few questions sent that have gone unanswered! Fear not, my Pets, these holy questions shall receive the attention and response deserved in short order! However, I have many committee and task-force meetings to attend this day and so, in short order, must take my leave. I entrust the above answers shall keep you whetted for the time being?
Our Holy Reverend Bishop Hanson has recently graced us with his presence! In a recording from August 14, a mere two weeks ago, he graciously gathered a group of young people from around the country to listen – because that is what Bishop Hanson does best! – and determine how best to serve the needs of our young adults throughout the Lutheran world.
Watch this clip! It is a joy and I expect you will be filled with the delights of spiritual fulfillment!
A young man here asks the imperative question that we here at Higgins bandy about, seeking spiritual answers:
Why Lutheran?
And if Lutheran, why then the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America?
And how our Reverend Bishop ably resolved such a difficult question! We are Lutheran not because we believe anything particular related to scripture or faith, but because we relentlessly define ourselves in how we are related to one another! How we find concord together! That is, after all, what the Book of Concord is all about! We have deep hungerings of the heart and longings for life and they are indeed woven into the rich, bright, and multi-layered tapestry of spiritual expression! Bishop Hanson remarked how our hungering and longings are signs of spiritual desire for a gracious God. A Divine Being that is willing to say, “I Love You!” and “You’re Okay with Me!”
Naturally in order to achieve such spiritual delight, we must seek spiritual intimacy in relationships of all sorts. His Holiness, Mark Hanson is correct: to be Lutheran is to understand the Divine is making me Divine in a Divine community! So long as I am understood and loved in a way that I feel good and can face the world, I can live with ambiguity and uncertainty about the nature of Divinity.
The Good News is finally a matter of Uncertainty! I am always uncomfortable when Lutherans or others here and there seem to think they know what God thinks and wants – especially when it comes to Jesus. There seems to be so much “clarity” in all those theological “discussions.” And what does that yield? Anger. Frustration. Misunderstandings. None of those things make a healthy, long-lasting and loving communal body of joyful, loving, accepted people! Like Bishop Hanson, I trust that the Divine Being will be faithful to me and others no matter what we do, so long as we are in a loving community together. We need to love each other and really mean it!
The best picture of this Holy Divine Gospel I’ve seen is from Little Orphan Annie said to Daddy Warbucks. They sing “Together at Last! Together forever!” They compare their many uncertainties about relationships and resources, but at the end of the day, they sure are happy! That is exactly what the Divine wants for us: uncertainty and loads of happiness and unfettered love!
Hear this song and let Divine Love wash over you today:
