Monday, December 13, 2010

BNC Christmas Address

The Bishop Barbie Who Saved Christmas                                               by Bishop Barbie

My Darling Elves, I have been considering greatly as to what I should present to you for the Christmas Message direct from the Brave New Church HQ.  Shall I offer you a Brave New Rendition of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas ala Glee?  Or should I harken back to the traditions of days past with the burning of the yule log, the decorating of the Christmas tree, and kissing under the mistletoe?

Neither seems good, right, or holy.  

The Brave New Church recognizes that you and your loved ones celebrate Christmas in a variety of ways.  You may put colored or white lights under the tree.  Some may have even kept the bubble lights from the late 70’s and early 80’s.  Maybe you keep tradition from the old world alive such as Lutefisk Suppers or wooden ornaments to grace the tree and visit Santy Claus at the mall.  Our family has come into the habit of Godiva Advent calendars – a delicious traditions to indulge!  

But I fear we here at the Brave New Church have lost the true meaning of Christmas and so I commend a closer reading of Charles Dickens immortal Christmas Tale, A Christmas Carol to you that your holiday season may be revived in due season!

It is the pagans who practiced Saturnalia and the hedonistic feasting and gift-giving throughout the middle ages which was usurped by the Roman church, anxious to capitalize on such feasting by way of reinterpretation.  But under the faithful guidance of Sir Oliver Cromwell in the late 1600’s the Yuletide festivities came under Puritan scrutiny and Christ’s Mass was realized for its true farce: a pagan festival of pure greed.  

Thankfully, Charles Dickens was a true Christian High Priest and leader for the western masses in the 1800’s.  He wrote a story about the mean Uncle Scrooge and his flunky employee, Bob Cratchit, in the spirit of the Industrial Revolution.  Those who capitalized off the wealth of the age left their employees penniless and destitute.  There arose a new hardness, a new meanness and lack of compassion among this new merchant class of society during this time.  And so, against this backdrop of selfishness and greed, a young English writer emerged who would make the written page his platform for exposing societal exploitation and cruel treatment of the lower classes, and become a significant voice for change in society, exposing unto us the TRUE meaning of Christmas.

Charles Dickens gave to us the Inspired Word, A Christmas Carol in 1843 which reinvented todays holiday, emphasizing family and goodwill and compassion.  Uncle Scrooge was visited in quick order by three ghosts – Christmas past, present and future – to scare him into good deeds and cure him of miserliness.  

You see, boys and girls, the true message of Christmas has nothing to do with sin, death or the power of the devil being overcome by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  The true message of Christmas is not the coming of God’s Son into the world to redeem the world from its bondage.  The true story of Christmas is a message of social justice, where you learn to care about the Bob Cratchits of the world because it is the right thing to do (with or without your exemplar, Jesus).  

We here at the Brave New Church life up A Christmas Carol because it is a story we can all agree upon.  It does not teach creed, carol, doctrine or dogma.  Jesus never enters the story because that may be offensives.  But we also recognize that Dickens’ carol remembers Jesus’ focus on the need for social justice and always choosing the right path to keep God happy.  

The Dickens Foundation and the BNC have joined arms this year because we believe together in the importance of celebrating this holiday, because the shared love and joy could help all to become our best selves now.  Cherish your family like the Cratchit’s and learn to love unexpectedly like Mr. Scrooge.  Become the lighthouse of hope the Divine always intended you to be!  Don’t let the commercial trappings spoil your holiday.  Go in Free Love and Radical Tolerance!  

Keep Christ in Christmas!  Remember Christ’s example of justice and forget his concern with sin!  Jesus is comin’ to town and he’s ONLY concerned with whether you’ve been naughty or nice!  

Christmas is the cornerstone of living your best life NOW.  Strengthen all that is good in the world – especially free Love, radical tolerance and dedicated gift-giving to everyone you care about!

Christmas Dreams and Butterfly Kisses from Heaven,
Bishop Barbie


  1. You have the same spelling blinders as Paul McCain: "for it’s true farce." He cannot distinguish between the possessive "its" and the contraction "it's" for "it is."

    It's common now, so do not feel bad(ly). There's another one.

  2. Oh Dear, my darling Mr. Jackson!

    How I managed a number of grammatical and spelling failures! These, I believe, have been addressed. I would not wish the LORD's anger to be kindled because of such errors!

    Butterfly Kisses from Heaven,
    Bishop Barbie

  3. What a bunch of Protestant heretical crap, all resting on historical illiteracy. Brave New Church indeed.

    If Jesus's face is offensive, then you have no business calling yourself a Christian. Christmas is about Christ. It is a celebration of the birth of our savior. If that doesn't blend well into your politically correct modernist world view, then perhaps you should quit while you're ahead and just declare spiritual bankruptcy and just become a Wiccan.

  4. Where have you gone, Bishop Barbie? A lonely church turns its eyes to you... woooo, woooo, woooo!