Thursday, September 30, 2010

Mailbag Monday Part II

Bonnie writes, “Any ministry opportunities linked to the new TLC series on polygamy, ‘Sister Wives’?”
Cathi writes, “I second Bonnie Nordvall's suggestion re missional implications and approaches related to Sister Wives. This descendent of sister-wife great-great grandmothers thanks God for a conversion journey began in an LCMS VBS a bit over half a century ago, and cannot wait to see the series, not to mention what BpB and others at 8765 (such as friends in the Ecumenical and Interreligious Affairs Office) would have to say on the topic.”

The premiere episode introduces viewers to Kody Brown, his three wives Meri, Janelle and Christine, and their thirteen children. They live in a ranch-style home that, although interconnected, is subdivided into three separate apartments that give each wife their own bedroom, kitchen and living space. Eventually, Kody and his wives tell the children he is courting a fourth wife, Robyn Sullivan, who herself already has three children. Meanwhile, the wives explain they do not plan to force their children into polygamist lifestyles or arrange their marriages for them, but rather will encourage them to make their own choices. The children attend a polygamist cooperative school, while Kody and Janelle both work full-time as Meri pursues a long-delayed college degree. The family discusses their strong spiritual faith, and the episode includes both blessings at dinner and an evening family prayer. The episode also highlights the fact that Brown operates on a rotating schedule that dictates which wife he will spend the night with. Although Brown has sex with all three of his wives, they make clear the women never sleep with each other, a concept they consider immoral. The episode ends with Kody going on a date with Robyn.

Oh my darling Bonnie!

You are so brilliant to ask for my holy insight into these societal and cultural movements of our day! 

The new TLC educational event, “Sister Wives” is of major importance to our Brave New Church, which is why we are scheduling “Sister Wives Wednesday’s” in place of the usual Wednesday evening confirmation and other youth events.  Each church is expected to piece together a comfortable, relationally conducive atmosphere including the at least 2-3 of each of the following:

Flat Screen HD equipped TV
Pull-down screen
Internet/FIOS/Cable capabilities

Bean Chair
Stadium Seating

Fair Trade Pretzels
Fair Trade Chocolate
Various Fair Trade Dried Fruits and Nuts
Blue M&M’s
Jiffy Pop

Additional Resources:
BNC Approved Bible
BNC Approved Sister Wives Study and Discussion Guide

You see, Bonnie, the ministry opportunity available because of this Brave New Series is manifold!  Our culture has told so many people within our churches that relationships are limited to one man and one woman when in reality there are many men and many women who desire relationships! 
While we’re still stuck in the mode of many women and only one man, it is certainly a step in the right direction!  Soon we will have the sort of free Love endorsed by the Brave New Church where all men, women, and others at all times and places will be able to enjoy the right to the deep Love and relationships created through sexual congress!
It is our responsibility and great joy to share the many possibilities and variations of sexual relationships available which naturally results in deep feelings of Love which we know brings a smile the face of the Divine!  And isn’t that the sole purpose of our existence: finding joy in sex and Love to create a Divine smile! 

Julie writes, “In the grand hierarchy of creation, does having a horn sticking out of your head indicate a higher state if being than having a miter sticking out of your head?”

Dearest Julie,

Naturally, as the Mailbag Monday Part I post would indicate, a horn on the front of your head is a marvelous means of pointing heavenward toward the Divine!  But I must say I had not yet considered the possibility of a miterhorn!  Naturally I have hiked the Austrian Miterhorn in all its Divine glory, but I had not yet considered a miterhorn implant!

Oh the holiness such a holy implant would provide!  A prosthetic for those who have been handicapably limited from spirituality! 

Rebecca writes, “I keep hearing that as long as something doesn't harm someone else, it should be ok to do it, even if scripture says otherwise. But... if I break the first three commandments, I don't really hurt anyone but God... so please explain why I should keep the first three commandments when it's not really hurting anyone if I don't. Thanks!”

Oh my Rebecca,

I feel as though you nearly stumped me!  But then I quickly remembered the Divine Spark we each have within us which is why we ought to keep even the first three commandments! 

For example, the first commandment according to the Small Catechism reads the following:

I am the LORD the Divine. You shall have no other Divinity except for mine.

You must recognize the Divine in all men, women, children, places, and things!  If you do not you are hurting the Divine within Me AND within you!  The same goes for your tone of voice.  For example, I have heard that for every adoring fan of me and the BNC there are those who call me coward and sniping – how hurtful to my Holiness!  It hurts the Divinity (extra Divine – I’m ordained as a BISHOP!) within me that so many use my name in a tone of malice instead of Love!  The name Bishop Barbie shall only be spoken in a tone of Divine Deference, tolerance, unity, and Love!

Furthermore, it is my right to demand you respect the terribly challenging nature of my work!  You should at all times and in all places respect my need for three days of rest per week and at least three months of vacation per year! 

Thank you Rebecca.  Your question allowed me to address a number of Divine issues that were bubbling up deep inside my Holiness.

Butterfly Kisses from Heaven,

Bishop Barbie

1 comment:

  1. So... what you're saying then is... that even if it seems to not hurt anyone... it actually DOES hurt someone. Hmmmm... interesting...