Thursday, September 16, 2010

Sermon Help

My Dearest Pets! We here at the Brave New Church offices recognize your week is thoroughly consumed with Justice and Love related activities as you faithfully spread the good news of radical tolerance to all!  Upon realizing the difficulties of the upcoming text from Luke, we have created a sermon outline for you.  If you are the leader of your congregation, please use the following support.  If not, please share with the leader of your church as soon as possible! The following is designed that you can modify the sermon according to the preferences of your worshiping community and scripture reading: 
Grace, Peace, and Holy Love to you from  _______________ (adjective), _______________ (adjective) _______________ (Adjective similar to personal pronoun), Amen!
_____________________________ (personal story about personal difficulties)
_____________________________ (secondary example from Chicken Soup for the Soul series)
Turn _________________ (preposition) me now to the words of another discouraged leader, Jesus. _________________ (your preferential description of who Jesus might be). The passage from today’s lectionary is ___________ (adj) and ____________ (adj) and frankly, I’m not altogether sure of what I should tell you. In case you think _____________ (what you call the worship leader at your church) always know what they’re talking about, this is a good opportunity to explain how  _________________ (describe your own inadequacies in detail). So, for today’s text, we’re all in this together!  We shall _______________ (verb) this sermon together!)  
  All right, so, the passage opens with Jesus talking not the masses now but to his disciples – you know, _________________ (hip description of disciples). Only after this _________________ (alt. word for “story”), they might have had some second thoughts. Luke 16: 1-13, Jesus has this story to tell his disciples:
Read: Luke 16: 1-13 from your preferred scripture source
Okay, so a rich man calls up the unreliable steward of his estate, and, now that the steward is busted, he starts scheming about how to deal with the situation. He considers his options.
 ________________ (Negative Option #1)
_________________ (Negative Option #2)
_________________ (Negative Option #3)
This is no different than the options available in  _________________ (Name of 3rd world country with Evil Dictator).  The options of  _________________ (Evil Dictator’s Steward) could be:
_________________ (Negative option of poor people in Third World Country #1)
_________________ (Negative option of poor people in Third World Country #2)
_________________ (Negative option of poor people in Third World Country #3)
_________________ (Commentary about struggles of Justice)
_________________ (Story meant to convict congregation about injustice loosely related to the scripture)
_________________ (Good news about how we can resolve injustice from evil Dictators and their slightly less evil Stewards using example from life of Jesus)  
_________________ (Example of Justice performed by Congregation) _________________ (Example of Justice government should perform) _________________ (Example of international Justice) So, go.  Be like  
_________________ (person from scripture) and  ___________ (verb Mixed Martial Artists may perform) a  _____________________ (terrifying animal, plural) for You, ______________ (preferred name for the Divine)! If you sell _________________ (item commonly sold on eBay), you will be ____________________ (Justice related noun) and you will cause __________________ (preferred name for the Divine) to feel _____________________ (adjective).
We here at ____________________ (name of congregation/church) commend ________________ (Justice/Love related good works) to your doing.  Certainly your hard work will ______________ (verb) God’s favor as we strive for radical tolerance, unity, and free Love for all!
In the name of the ___________ (Proper Adjective), who exists to ___________________ (verb) you and shall reign for _________________(quantity of time) over ______________________ (cute animal species), _______________(insect group) and ________________________ (your preferred description of humanity). 

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